Thursday, July 7, 2011

Something About The Heat in Dubai is Making Me Bloat

I'm convinced that the heat and humidity is making me retain water. I noticed it two days after I arrived, when I STILL felt as if I had swallowed a balloon (already blown up of course).

And I don't know what it is about the lighting here, but I was in the cab the other day, and when I looked in the rear view mirror, my neck had lost all of its elasticity. Had it always looked this way? Is the lighting in my apartment back home THAT bad? Is the sun duller in the states, than it is in Dubai? How could I not have noticed? And who said that mirroring the walls in the Pilates studios was a good idea? E V E R Y W H E R E I turn, there's my creased and falling neck.

What am I supposed to do? There isn't a moisturizer on planet earth that will save me. If I don't mind suffocating, I suppose I could pull a Diane Keaton and wear a turtleneck. At least I wouldn't have to look at it. And weep into my creases. Did I mention that it's 104 degrees out at this very moment? Project turtleneck will have to wait until winter. Eventually, I'm going to be able to pull the loose skin to the back of my neck and hold it there with one of those Potato Chip bag clips. Don't think I won't.

Nora Ephron had it right, as I do feel badly about my neck. It's one of life's truly cruel jokes.

I had a Pakistani cab driver pick me up (in his car) last night to take me to work. When I told him that I worked in a gym (It's much easier than saying Pilates studio) he asked me what women worked on when they went to the gym. It took 10 minutes to understand his question. But when I did, I said, "Stomach, arms and butts."
He questioned, not understanding, "Butts?"
I said, "Glutes."
He repeated, questioning, "Backside?"
All I was trying to do was not use foul language or insult him but I'd had it.
"ASS! We work on our ASSES." He smiled at me through his rear view mirror and laughed. "Oh, yes, ass."

1 comment:

Alison Roth said...

OMG--Keem 'em coming Danigirl