Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Orgasms. Which One Are You?

*** LATEST ARTICLE FOR Evolved World

Not since the Silicone vs. Saline Breast Implant controversy, have we been so preoccupied with our sexual responses and pleasures. I now give you the great clitoral vs. vaginal orgasm debate. 

Is one better than the other? What does it mean if you can’t have a vaginal orgasm and everyone else on your block can? Does one type of orgasm affect your partner’s pleasure? I’ll try to answer the above but as far as your partner is concerned, you’ll have to ask him. I’ve got my own partner to deal with.

Sigmund Freud suggested that the clitoral orgasm was the predecessor to what he considered the deeper and more satisfying vaginal orgasm. What a crock of crap! He went on to say that the clitoral kind was immature. Immature? I know you are but what am I? There is nothing immature about my clit!

There’s more. He also believed, as did others (which accounts for a lot of messed up thinking out there on the subject), that a married woman was supposed to naturally "transfer" the awesomeness that she felt from her clitoris, (it is awesome) to her penile penetrated vagina, courtesy of her husband. There wasn’t any scientific proof, at work was the power of supposing and suggesting.

The male perspective continued with Alfred Kinsey, who supposedly found that women could not and were not having vaginal orgasms. But Freud just said that... Later, the Masters and Johnson research team of Williams H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, studied sexual behavior through observing and measuring masturbation (huh?) and sexual intercourse in the laboratory (I want that job). Their results showed no difference between Freud’s vag orgasm and the immature clit orgasm.

Masters and Johnson found that the majority of their subjects could only achieve clitoral orgasm, while a small minority achieved vaginal orgasm. Women everywhere stood up and took back their clitoral orgasms. While I’m not about to march on Washington for orgasmic respect, I am thankful for those that leveled the orgasm playing field. 

Pop-culture and the media haven’t helped by putting in their orgasmic two cents. They’ve f’d women up, leading some to feel sexually dysfunctional if they don’t perform like the women in the movies, who are often portrayed as orgasmic beings, needing only cock penetration to reach orgasm. No need for foreplay, stimulation, or to even take your clothes off. I’d like to meet those women.

It’s hard to believe that in this day and age, that there are women and men who believe that if a woman doesn’t experience an orgasm through intercourse alone, that they are sexually dysfunctional. The physiologic response between clitoral and vaginal are identical. Orgasms are orgasms are orgasms, so who cares how you’re stimulated, as long as you’re stimulated. Amen.

The many forms of stimulation could take up a whole page but when I read about the use of an electric toothbrush, I had to share. Let’s take a moment to digest and then regroup.

A brief anatomy lesson.
A total separation between the vagina and clitoris is mostly false.

The clitoris consists of more than the clitoral glands and hood (external parts). Because the internal parts surround the vaginal opening, and canal (which has few sensory nerve endings) the internal parts of the clitoris are muy importante in the feeling department.

Orgasms mostly involve our brains and central nervous systems, therefore our sexual response is more than genitals or about having a given part of our genitals touched. If this weren’t true, then when my gynecologist sticks, what feels like his entire hand, up in my cooter, or shoves in that wand for a pelvic ultrasound, I’d be orgasming left, right and center.

By the same token, I can kiss my lover and feel a special sensation in my private place but I’m not going to orgasm. No offense, lover.

Orgasms come from the inside of our brains and central nervous systems, and flare out, impacting certain parts of our bodies. So when I ask my lover to dim the lights, or close the door, or some other perceived neuroses (perceived by him that is) so that I may focus on my orgasm as a whole, it’s because those things are affecting my brain and thus, my genitals.
Can we agree that orgasms are a Pu Pu platter? Let’s stop caring so much about how we attain them, and where we think they’re coming from. Isn’t it enough that we have them to begin with? Some women don’t, or can’t, but that’s a whole other topic.
Do we really need to deconstruct our own orgasms, analyzing why one way doesn’t do it for us, while other ways do? Find out what stimulates you, stick with it and just do it for crying out loud! And if the electric toothbrush is your thing, then I suggest brushing your teeth before you get off.


Annie said...

OK, hell ya, I'll agree that orgasms are a Pupu platter, if that will stop even one person from using their toothbrush to get off. Never trusted Sigmund Freud to be the slightest bit knowledgeable in clitoral liftoff, nor did I think that any of Masters and Johnson's findings measuring masturbation and sexual intercourse were going to rock the clitorial Kasbah . (BTW, I want to know who is the Master and who is the Johnson with that couple because they come up with some strange shit.) Love the subject matter and YOUR take on it. You crack me up.

thegirlfriendmom said...

Oh, Annie, thank you for being the first to respond! I'm glad that you enjoyed. Hopefully just as much as your orgasms!

Bella said...

Sing it, sister! When Annie said your blog was worth a visit, she wasn't kidding! I clapped and cheered while reading your post. Freud and Alfred, what the hell do they know? It's not like they have vajayjays and the team, well, lets just say I got through the first chapter and then used their book as a door stop. I've come to realize that those who say sex is overrated, just ain't doing it right and those who are doing it right, usually don't spend a lot of time on the "inner" workings of what brings them success. Great post! :)

thegirlfriendmom said...

Ah, Bella, thank you so much for the kind words and Annie has great taste! Go forth and orgasm.

Laura@Catharsis said...

What does it mean if you don't have any orgasms anymore? Oh wait. Too personal. I might be exaggerating here, but after two babies and a body that's been through hell and back, sex is last on my list of wants. I need to get back in the game. Seriously. I do.

Kathy said...

Well my friend this is certainly different from my usual mommy blogging fare! My, my! I love that you write about sexuality in a way that empowers women and makes us laugh!! Good for you!!

thegirlfriendmom said...

Laura, Never too personal as far as I'm concerned. Dip a toe in first and see how it feels and then just hurl yourself into the sack!

thegirlfriendmom said...

Believe you me, I never intended on writing such smut (which I find comes surprisingly natural to me!) But this site that I write for, Evolved World, has riskier articles and well, being their Pilates expert was getting a bit dry. Think of me as a much younger Dr. Ruth! xo

The Pepperrific Life said...

Yup, to each his own- especially when it comes to orgasms. Who's to say where it should come from, as long as we're getting it- whether fully clothed or otherwise. Orgasms aren't limited to our privates. It's a whole experience- yes, including dimmed lights and butterfly kisses...

thegirlfriendmom said...

Hey Pepperific,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I really appreciate it. I hope you'll keep following and I look forward to checking yours out.

Amy said...

FAB U LOUS post! I am so glad I swung by from VB.
So I'm normal, thank GOD!!!!!

thegirlfriendmom said...

Amy, it is I who is glad that you swung by. I certainly hope that you swing by again. Follow me or subscribe, sign up, whatever the hell it is that you're supposed to do, so you don't miss a word. Have a happy!

Anonymous said...

Preach it, girl! Freud is an idiot. Publishing this one anonymously because I've DONE THE TOOTHBRUSH! Only in situations of dire emergency however. LOL

thegirlfriendmom said...


This is a judgement-free zone sister sledge. Gotta do what you gotta do. Thanks for the comment.