Wednesday, November 2, 2011

This House Isn't Big Enough For The Both Of Us

I think one of the reasons that I got divorced (it's okay, it was 10 years ago, I'm fine), was the fact that we both worked from home. It didn't matter that his recording studio, a.k.a garage, was in the backyard and my office was in the house. It was too close for comfort. Of course the fact that I wasn't truly in love with him, might've had something to do with the divorce, but that's a whole other post.

I just got off the phone with a good friend, who was about to stab her husband, because he also works from their home and he was irritating the crap out of her. Cut to 60 Minutes interviewing me after reading this blog (cool, another reader!) after they find my friend's husband stuffed in the dishwasher) God forbid. "Did she ever exhibit any hostile feelings towards him?" To which I'd say, "You live alone, don't you Morley?"

When I asked my friend, "Why the rage?" she told me that he's constantly on his blackberry, earpiece in, pacing around the house, conducting business as if the entire house were his office. She couldn't hear herself think or find any personal space, because wherever she went, there he was.

I listened, nodding my head because I knew exactly how she felt. Although my boyfriend and I also work out of the house, I don't want to stab him. I wouldn't want the girlfriend mom kids to be without a daddy. It is annoying and irritating at times to share space with anybody! I bathe in peace and quiet.

The hardest part about living with another person, especially the opposite sex, is figuring out how to meld your different work styles and in the way you want to live. Oh, the conflicting habits, the compromising, negotiating, sacrificing, tolerating, and the intolerable... It's truly a wonder that people live together at all.

It's a dance, getting to know what the other person needs, and letting them know what you need. I've been dancing as fast as I can figuring our shit out. I really shouldn't complain because we do have our separate offices with two floors separating us, but sometimes it's just knowing that there's somebody lurking around that bugs me.

I spent many years living alone, and there are things that I got used to. Yes, I know the flip side of this and yes, the grass is not always greener, and yes, I feel blessed and grateful and love my boyfriend. However, I wouldn't be human, honest and authentic, if I didn't also feel the above.

As I get older, noise in general seems to irritate me more and more. Could this be related to hormonal changes?

That wasn't a joke. Can it? Tell me.


Annie Boreson said... sort of freaked me out when you said you got a divorce because your husband had his recording studio in the garage and your office was in the house. What are my chances if my husband has his recording studio IN the house and so is my office? I'm doomed, right? Whatever your answer...maybe you should keep it to yourself because I'm still paying for the wedding. Great post.

I have to tell you...I woke up last night laughing from your video. Thanks for adding me on your blog roll. You are up and going on mine now too. Thanks for the laugh.

Keesha said...

I cannot imagine the parallel working thing - you are already partners, running a household, raising children and then adding working virtually alongside each other. I don't know how people do it. Did they marry their sole mates, while I married someone where the most time we should have spent together would be, say, standing in line at Target?

It is so hard.

I have a post on my take on this whole relationship dance called "On Husband Bashing and Other Sports"

Kim Bee said...

New follower. I tell you my hubs got laid off a couple years ago and was home for about half a year or something like that. Longest half a year of my life. I'm a stay at home mom, have been for 23 years, so when he was home full time I was ready to pile drive him every 15 minutes. I would call my sister and complain constantly. I felt bad but man oh man it almost ruined us. I like my routine and part of my routine is not being bothered every 10 seconds with crazy questions. And yes I think getting sensitive to noise is hormonal as I am too. No concrete proof of this other than my constant annoyance with everyone who is loud. Lol!

thegirlfriendmom said...

First of all, I'm sorry that your hubs got laid off but even more sorry that you had him in the house for all those months. Don't feel bad, I think we're predisposed to not wanting to be around our lovers 24/7!
I'm glad I'm not the only one with noise issues.
Thanks for the read.

thegirlfriendmom said...

Annie, you are so sweet and so glad that you liked the film. There's no way to predict whether you and yours will be able to work and play in the same space... reassess after the wedding bills are paid!

cardiogirl said...

Neither one of us would get anything done if we both worked from home. I know I would keep saying, "Hey, this is the last thing I'll say, but..."

Although he holds up his end as well rambling when I'm right in the middle of something.

Yep, that would never work. It would probably end in violence.

totsymae said...

I don't think it's an age thing with the noise. It's about your nature and what you're accustomed to in your home. My mom lived with me and used to call me from downstairs. It was so jarring, it made me nervous. Now, I know how self-centered such an act was. It translates to 'I'm the elder. You must drop everything you're doing to cater to me. I don't care what you're doing.'

Good luck with the girlfriend mom thing. You divorced and have a new title with more people in your space? Hmmm...

Anonymous said...

Noise is starting to bother me more. Mostly Call-of-Duty-style shooting noise, and talking loudly on the phone right next to me when I'm trying to watch TV noise. Thankfully, it's rare, and thankfully, I'm truly in love with him, or I might want to stab him. :) (Just kidding, Victor.)

thegirlfriendmom said...

Thanks for commenting and we have to be friends bc my bf's name is also Victor. Is yours Portuguese?