What Every Woman Wishes Modern Men Knew About Women by Sylvia D. Lucas, is an insightful, no holds barred, look into the minds of women, that’s geared towards men. It’s an easy, flowing and fun read. The anti-Rules in the best way. I encourage both men and women, especially in their 20’s, to seek this book out, so they don’t fuck things up in their 30’s and 40’s.
More about the author. Author Sylvia D. Lucas
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9 comments:
When I was in my 20's and 30's I HAD A LIFE and didn't do that cooking/cleaning crap for any man. EVER. This is probably the reason I didn't marry until I was 39 ... men like having a mommy who will cook and clean for them. Anyway, then I got married and I turned into a damn slave. Cooking/cleaning, etc., et al. I don't know what happened.
If I had it to do over again, I would never dance with ugly men, I would ditch guys on a boring ass date, and forget being "nice" to douche bags. Bottom line, it is hard to find an evolved man who can take care of himself like a big boy instead of expecting the one with the va-jay-jay do EVERYHING. *SIGH* ... 2012 A NOTHING CHANGES.
SMOOCHES :)
GFMom - Thank you for the kind words about WEW... (etc.)!
Debbie - But things should change - hence, the book. :)
One chapter chronicles my experience with an ex who was very good at cleaning ... until we got married and moved in together. Infuriating.
I also explain WHY we want them to clean and do their own laundry (n the chapter titled "We Aren't Your Mommy") and share dinner responsibilities, and it's not so we can get a break, or because we want "help." ("Help" take care of your own house? How about I "help" you? See how that changes duty expectations?) That's just one issue covered. You're right - who knew there'd still be so many in 2012? For that matter, who knew the outdated and, frankly, dangerous guidelines in The Rules would still be on bookstore shelves in 2012??
- Sylvia
I'm intrigued!
I am one who SO fell for the traditional role thing. I stayed home with the kids, which I do NOT regret doing, and he brings home the paycheck. We both felt since I was home, I should do all the cooking, cleaning and of course, child rearing. That is some hard shit to do all day long, 24/7! We fell into this awful pattern and it really ruined our married. We are on the verge of divorce/separating for many reasons, but I think this is a huge one. I so admire the younger generation for already not believing this is the way it "should" be. I wonder if reading this book would help at this late day? We've both already talked more about being "partners" and not breadwinner/maid.
This whole set up is what made so many women unhappy and depressed in the 50's and led to the womens' movement. If everyone works TOGETHER, we can all be more fulfilled.
Debbie you kill me. What would happen if you changed the rules and didn't do shit? Just saying. xi
Michael Ann I'm so sorry to hear about your marital problems. Being divorced I know that no matter what the reasons or issues, it's always hard. I wish you well.
Dear Girlfriend Mom, I did try to "not do anything once" and I almost went crazy. I cannot live like a pig and my husband CAN. I read the excerpt of Sylvia's book and it cracked me up ... I laughed out loud and she makes ABSOLUTE SENSE ... I honestly don't know how I, an evolved woman, a feminist woman, an independent woman ended up like my mother *sigh* ... However, 15 years later I'm still married to A VERY LUCKY MAN.
XOXO
Deb
p.s I did a post last year on this subject titled "Feminism is not a NO NO" dated January 13, 2010. Check it out ... it'll make you laugh ... swear.
XOXO
Debbie
Michael Ann -
You asked, "I wonder if reading this book would help at this late day?"
Is it ever too late to have a better understanding? One of my beta readers, young-ish and not married for too long, was already having problems as a result of roles and expectation. He knew he was supposed to do more around the house because he was TOLD he was expected to do more, but he never understood why.
It's probably a mistake to assume that everyone is like me, but for me to change my behavior, I have to understand why I'm changing it. If it's little more than "because," I'm not going to feel it enough to bother.
If all men hear is, "Women like it when you do dishes because you're showing that you care about her," that's like hearing "Women like it when you buy them roses because it shows them that you're thinking about them."
How often does anyone get roses?
But if it's understood that "doing dishes" actually means something more, that it has nothing to do with "being sweet," a little bell might go off and have some kind of real impact.
That guy, the young-ish one, said that after reading that section, he started helping out a lot more (three times more) and that his marriage had improved exponentially.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through a divorce. But maybe there's a chance that deeper understanding (and the thing to understand is really so, so basic - we just haven't been explaining it well) will, at the very least, have him saying, "Ohhh...!"
Debbie,
Will check that out. And yes he one lucky mother f'er! xo
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