Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Do You Know The Blended Family Shorthand?

I will admit that it was only recently that I learned what LMFAO stood for. Maybe it’s because I prefer to speak in complete sentences, using actual words. I know it takes a bit longer, especially when texting, but I am not going to abbreviate ‘in my opinion’, with imo. Because I h8 abbreviations. And yes, I do like the feel of a nice Uni-ball fine pen on a crisp white legal pad. 

So you can imagine my shock when, researching blended family websites, and step-parenting blogs, I came across the list below. It’s challenging enough, living with a man who has kids, fighting to carve out my place in a family already in progress, but now I have to decipher acronyms?

What, in the name of that sweet little baby Jesus, is wrong with using a complete name? Are we in that big of a rush, that we just don't have the time to write out, or heaven forbid, say, Stepson?

I had my own ideas of what these abbreviations stood for.They're noted in BOLD.

    •    BS = Biological Son; Term can be used by a parent who is also a stepparent to describe their own biological children.
        Where I come from, BS always meant bullshit. As in, these shortcuts are bullshit. Although in this case, an abbreviation is appropriate because it’s not nice to say shit in public.

    •    SS = Stepson or Step-siblings; Term used by stepparent to describe a stepchild without identifying the child by name. Step-siblings refer to a group of step-children who all share the same biological parents.
        This is obvious... the SS... WW II... ring any bells?

    •    SD = Step-daughter; Term can used by stepparent to describe a daughter brought into the relationship by a biological parent who is now the stepparent's mate. 
        Just a ‘T’ away from sexually transmitted disease.

    •    DD = Daughter of (my) Divorce or Divorced Dad; Term stepparents use to describe a daughter born from previous marriage with the husband/wife they have divorced. Remarried individuals use this term to describe a person who has a daughter from a previous relationship. In forums and groups the phrase is mostly used by stepmothers.
        Didi Conn, “Frenchie” from Grease? Yeah, okay, that was a stretch.

    •    DS = Divorced Son, or Son of (my) divorce; Term stepparents use to describe a son born from previous marriage with the husband/wife they have divorced. Remarried individuals use this term to describe a person who has a son from a previous relationship. Phrase is mostly used by stepmothers.
        I don’t have anything for this because it’s asinine.

    •    DH = Divorced Husband; Term used by a previously married woman to describe an ex husband and/or to describe a current husband who was previously married to someone else.
        See DS.

    •    DM = Divorced Mom; Term usually used by men to describe an ex wife with whom he shares children and/or to refer to his current wife who has children from a previous relationship.
       Depeche Mode.

    •   SK = step-kid; Term used generally to describe a stepchild.
        No, it’s the internet country code for Slovakia- oh, yes it is.

    •    BD = Biological Dad; Term used to describe a custodial or non-custodial parent who is also a man.
        Add Wong, and you’ve got the actor who plays, Dr. George Huang, Law & Order, SVU.

    •    BM = Biological Mom; Term used to describe a custodial or non-custodial parent who is also a woman.
        This is too easy. BOWEL MOVEMENT. It will always be bowel movement, no matter how long I’m in this blended family circus!

What the blended family acronym committees haven’t included, is an abbreviation for a woman like myself; unmarried, no children pulled from my tender loins, living with a man who has kids, with custodial rights every other weekend.

According to the list above, I’m not a DM, and I’m not a CSM (Childless Step Mom), an abbreviation curiously absent from the above list. Thus, I give you the GM. Not General Motors. Not General Manager. The Girlfriend Mom! You’re welcome.

And just when you thought that would be the end of this tomfoolery, some genius, with a lot of time on their hands, decided to add numbers after the acronym, signifying the ages of the individual that they’re attached to. Because, again, it's just too time consuming to say, and or write, "My stepson is 18 years old."

Now, instead of a family unit, comprised of unique personalities, and distinctive styles and traits, we’ve become numbers and a part of a friggin’ algebra problem.

My boyfriend is a BHDM18,13 and I’m a GM0, who has to go lay down now because my head is spinning.


injaynesworld said...

Pass the vodka. My head is spinning now, too.

monicastangledweb said...

OMG, what a list. I'm with you. All those initials have original meanings. SS will forever be associated with WW2 and BM, well, like I said, I agree. Pretty funny, if you ask me. ;)

Debbie said...

JEEZ, I gotta frickin headache!

thegirlfriendmom said...

You and me both!

Brooke Secretan said...

Thanks for this great little laugh. I shared on my blog and support page for PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome).

Laura@Catharsis said...

I have always wondered what the hell DH and all that other crap meant! I see it everywhere. And now I know. So effing stupid.

P.S. Why are you lyin', pretending you didn't like that stuff in the Petri dish...

Lisa Gradess Weinstein said...

I hate abbreviations too! As a mom with both a step and biological daughter I could relate to your post and found it so funny. You may appreciate one of my earlier blog posts called Confessions of a Naive Step-mom. I actually refer to my step-daughter as my inherited daughter. Takes longer to write out, but I think it's a warmer term! I enjoyed your blog, saw you on She Writes - hope you'll visit me also,

Bella said...

Methinks "tomfoolery" is the perfect word to describe this nonsense! Abbreviation/acronyms give me a migraine. I can't keep track and really, with so many on the list, you'd need a handbook to keep track of them!

thegirlfriendmom said...

Thanks again Brooke for sharing on your bog.

thegirlfriendmom said...

Okay, you found me out. More petri dish kaka, please! I'm glad you can now get on with your life, now that you know what a DH is. Your welcome.

thegirlfriendmom said...

Hi Lisa,
I'm so glad that you found me and I look forward to checking out your blog. And I love inherited daughter. That's how I feel.

thegirlfriendmom said...

Hi Bella,
Thanks for commenting. I do love the word tomfoolery as well. And yes, I need a handbook for the friggin' handbook! No thank you. I'm sticking to hey, you. And yeah, you, the younger one.

blissflower1969 said...

Huh. Apparently (as if this all isn't confusing enough) some of those same abbreviations have different meanings on different boards. On some of the ones I follow (which have nothing to do with divorce and stepfamilies and such), DH means Darling Husband, DD or DS means Darling Daughter, Darling Son, or Darling Spouse. Usually meant sarcastically because the Darling whatever has done something dumb or irritating.

thegirlfriendmom said...

Thanks for stopping by and yes, I need a friggin' flow chart these days.

Heal Now and Forever said...

AS I mom, I resent being called BM Really? These are all ridiculous. One more than the next! I love DM! (Depeche Mode)

thegirlfriendmom said...

Clearly you know what you're talking about and I could not agree with you more. Thanks for reading.

Mommy LaDy Club said...

Did I tell you I have 4 step-daughters, I'm wife #4(different there), 2 of the "DM"s;) lived down the street trying to chase me out of town every day for 8 years, and my life was signed away in a mediation agreement, dictating all of the tasks I would do daily in regards to the custody situation?

Oh, and there was a court order putting the kids in my husband's care(mine), while he worked to pay child support.

I definitely can relate on the blended family thing, and can't stand the abbreviations either!

This is a little embarrassing, but I never asked on the LMFAO one, because I tend to insert very nasty words there, and I'm one of those uncool people who doesn't know this XXXX...what is it??

thegirlfriendmom said...

You did not tell me any of this! This might require a longer conversation. I too have court orders in my situation. And I do not know what XXXX means! And I'm okay with that!

Debbie said...

Ugh - hate acronyms.
But I always though DD meant dear daughter.
On certain forums using codes is easier and yes I fell in the trend.
So when I was using DD, all those people were thinking she was my step kid?
But the thing that urks me the most is people using text methods ON FACEBOOK statuses.