Monday, April 30, 2012

A Marriage Proposal of Sorts

I thought my boyfriend would never ask. I mean for crying out loud, we’ve known each other for six years and we’ve been living together for almost three. I couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever ask. He’s been getting it for free for-EVER. I would never say it out loud but I was feeling a little, shit or get off the pot.

Last week we went to Costco to pick up a few bulky things, that we really didn’t need. As soon as we walked in, my boyfriend realized that he had forgotten his card, so off we went to customer service, to get a temporary card. And that’s when it happened. “Hey, let’s get an additional card for you. Might as well, right.” My heart started pounding, I flushed like a little girl, and I’m pretty sure that was a tear rolling down my cheek. “Do you mean it? You want me on your Costco account?” He rolled his eyes and gave me that familiar look of, what is wrong with you.

Okay, so it was only a Costco card, but it felt like a marriage proposal. We were married in the eyes of Costco as far as I was concerned. It didn’t matter that my boyfriend was oblivious to this simple transaction. And the bonus was that my picture came out great. Of course it’s black and white and the size of a raisin, but that’s when I look the best.

This Costco marriage continued when we soldiered on to Macy's. After buying a salad spinner, yes mother, I know I could’ve gotten it cheaper pretty much anywhere else, but I had a coupon, so back it up lady.

For the record, I detest shopping for clothes. I always have and I suspect that I always will. My boyfriend is much better at it. After I tried on several pairs of pants, that did nothing for my derriere and even less for my ego, we shifted focus to my boyfriend and his pursuit of a linen suit.

The next several hours, yes, I did just write several, I followed him around like a good little Geisha. I cradled potential slacks and shirts in my arms, searched the entire first floor for an available alterations expert, and collected receipts from my Costco husband so they wouldn’t end up as shriveled paper balls in the dryer. I sat on the faux leather banquette, outside of the dressing room, with other Geisha’s, and waited for my master’s fashion show. I felt like a complete and utter WIFE.

Upon returning home, I took one last fall when I said the following, to my boyfriend, “Wow, that’s a nice garbage pail that you bought. It’s really big and looks sturdy.” Why don’t I just sew up my lady parts, put on an apron and call it a day.

On second thought honey, I don’t want my own Costco card. It’s the devil’s spawn.



14 comments:

lbw said...

OMG...i thought i missed an important milestone in your life...thankfuly i read on...you keep me laughing funny lady!!! xox

mrsmomx6 said...

Holy cow, LOL! That was hysterical my dear!

Deanna @ The Unnatural Mother said...

Well played!

Annie said...

I thought for sure he was going to breeze by the bling at Costco and pick out a rock. I guess a bucket works too (if you turn it over, fill it in with UPS packaging popcorn, weld it closed and make a band. I swear...your guy sounds like mine. It took me hinting that all the kids were going to be in town the following weekend so why not get married. Not very subtle, but hells bells, it was time.

thegirlfriendmom said...

Thank you trusted and faithful followers.
Oh, dear sweet Annie, I'm not, in fact, looking to get married. Once is enough. Maybe when I'm 80!

injaynesworld said...

Wow. I admire you. For me, even a Costco marriage is too much of a commitment. ;)

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

And??... and?... Really?? Hmmph... MEN! Hugs to you Darling and a high lift of my glass to YOU... xoxo

Jennifer Worrell said...

I got my man in the dog food section of the Wal-Mart. I swear...and I haven't taken him back yet...Congrats on the Cosco engagement! Funny!

thegirlfriendmom said...

Jayne, that's why I gave the card back!

thegirlfriendmom said...

Jennifer- wow, dog food section? It doesn't get any more romantic that that!

Lisa Gradess Weinstein said...

Isn't it so funny how oblivious guys are to the way the girl mind thinks! If that happened to me I would defintely be thinking that the shared Costco account = stronger commitment! Thanks for a fun blog!
Lisa

Courtney G said...

Oh, this made me laugh! I have no idea what that feels like to clothes shop as the Geisha. I only get to go to Ace Hardware or Auto Parts stores as the Geisha, and usually covered in grease and goo of some kind from being under a car holding the drop light as the Geisha. Clothes and a Department store might be nice!;)

thegirlfriendmom said...

Courtney,
A Geisha, is a Geisha, is a Geisha. It's all the same to me! I'm glad you had a laugh.

Laura@Catharsis said...

Ha ha ha!!! "I had a coupon, so back it up lady." Priceless. So do I congratulate you or send my condolences? It's unclear but funny as hell anyway.